Sleepless Nights Of An Over-Thinker

Random thoughts please go away my body and mind needs peaceful sleep.

I was four years old swimming in the creek with my sister, to sitting in front of my doctor telling the most messed up day of my life of getting kidnapped, in hopes of getting help to stop this nonstop chaos within my mind.

Wait, there was more than one day to tell about. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, family? family sucks, she said what, what a low life maybe I shouldn’t have said all that, naaa who cares run with it. (This post isn’t about you move on I’m rambling) Paris, stop thinking about Paris or you’ll cry.

This world is gonna explode. Pray.  You gave up on praying, what’s the use? good people die horrible deaths such as cancer and other crazy things, Jason’s mamaw and papaw both were amazing people, they died and for what. Religion?? let’s not go there. I’ve give up in that area of life.

Paris truck driver pointlessly killed so many. All those families lost so much. OMGosh… I have this guy in my head running around at 4:30 am trying to find the main power switch to shut down my mind for the night with no luck. Keep rambling nonsense through your head. Don’t fall asleep, baby gonna wake up soon for her feeding. You can’t sleep. The dog or cat gonna causing a racket, wait till they start then stop again maybe sleep then sleep. Nope fooled ya. Oh crap, she gonna wake up soon.

You gotta go to the grocery with no sleep with a 3yr old and a baby. Good luck with that. Eyes burning.  Well, close em. Foster care,?? yep you did that. Let’s see the last two were wild little children. Sat In front of a board to remove them, Social Services lied to take them. Talk to the  guy that has information about fixing the case, nope don’t get involved. He won’t tell the truth.

Real bad night at Grayson manor, tried to get a restraining order. Haha naaa get kidnapped 3 days later. Debbie was there at work. Debbie was pretty cool Ol lady. Maw is what I called her. Wonder if she ever thinks back of that night.

Yep your still rambling. Well, you wasted a whole night of thinking that got you nowhere. Eeny, meeny, miny, turn yourself around. Paris. Nope don’t cry. Geez that’s 3 trains went by.. Cat’s meowing at the door. Wow he’s  loud. This is what it’s like to have a sleeping disorder. Wait I’m not done yet. Sleep?? Sleep??

Your gonna wish you had it but not gonna happen today, yep it’s already another day gone by. It’s almost 6 am. Sure am glad I always tell my kids I love them and they  know I do. Turn toss and turn some more. Wow if you are reading all this you are dedicated because it makes no sense.

If you are being forced to toss one of your kids in a shark tank which would you pick first? Yep, I thought it. (our minds ramble nonsense) Don’t know why but it happened. Wait, I forgot a part talking to the doctor about guns and people on medications.Yes, I carry a gun to protect my kids and myself and if need be you and whoever is in seeing distance

Pills vs pot. Not for pills but pot puts you in jail, what BS. Yep, you had to stop. It helped with this freaking issue right here. It shuts up a rumbling brain at night so you can sleep but oh well take a pill oh wait you can’t you have a baby in the house. No sleep for you.

Back to the shark tank. Toss one. Yep made that choice. The 9 yr old then the oldest then wait throw yourself in. Then how will you know what happened to them? Crap backtrack. Moving on. She is gonna wake up. Nope husband will first. Sucks not having a shut-off switch like a lot of people. Why is the TV making that noise? I’m so exhausted. Try to close your eyes.

Oh, and by the way, this isn’t half the stuff that I thought about that night back in 2014, only what I could keep up with as my mind took me on a wild goose chase as many sleepless nights did. This is the most unfortunate part of having insomnia stemming from early childhood anxiety and PTSD.

Sleep here I come for 10 minutes. Oh never mind baby is waking up. Fooled ya. Now you have to function safely on no sleep with 2 small children.

I’ve since been diagnosed with. ADHD, LD, severe anxiety, insomnia and PTSD. Having insomnia has many negative effects physically and mentally.

 If you read all that, congrats to you.  You are dedicated and don’t want to read that again I’m sure

Click Reference list to see more details about the dangers and risks of sleeping disorders.

The Killer Within

Stress-related illness is the number one killer of our society to date. We are all in a fight or flight state of mind along with our bodies, not knowing how in the hell to slow down. This is a never-ending roller coaster that so many can’t get off of and sadly, some jump out of the car before the end of the ride. In other words a life breakthrough before suicide.

There are so many more people now diagnosed with mental illnesses and disease than ever before, says the National Institute of Mental Health and growing at a fast rate, but why? 🤔

Well, a lot of it is because we have an opportunist bacteria inside our bodies that actually started growing at birth and it’s waiting for a place to completely take over. So think about it, when we get an infection or a little cold, wouldn’t you say it’s harder to get over when you’re highly stressed? 🤔 Yes, Any doctor will tell you this.

 Did you know the adrenal glands – specifically the medulla – primarily produce adrenaline, a hormone secreted in response to stress or “flight or fight” situations. It signals other parts of the body to minimize functioning which also means your immune system gets suppressed. When there is a long term activation of the stress response system and overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones that follow can disrupt just about all of your body functions. This can put you at an increased risk of many other health issues such as 

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Digestive problems
  • Headaches
  • Heart disease
  • Sleep problems
  • Weight gain
  • Memory and concentration impairment

So let’s say, you go to the doctor for a medication to help you adapt to the illness that you now have. Then you take the medication (suppressant) with your internal programmed stress (suppressant) both in which shut down your immune system. 😟 Now your body has become prime real estate for the bacteria and illness to grow and multiply to create more chaos through out your body.

So how in the hell are you supposed to get better when you stress about your stress, then stress about being sick and you stress because you’re sick. Now you are stressing because you’re stressing because you’re sick.😳Wow what an uncontrollable mess we have going. 🤪

We are in an age of information so ignorance is a choice

Dr. Lipton

We have information 📱💻 out here to teach us how to care for ourselves (self-help) but yet so many are not willing to try or to stay consistent when it comes to their overall health. 

It all starts with your lifestyle. You want good health but you won’t manage your lifestyle. Well, you’re obviously going to fail. We have to keep searching for what works for us and apply it to our lives, not jump right into taking prescription pills because they are not a cure, but only a masking agent.

At the rate we are going with the opiate problem, those pills will continue to be difficult for any doctor to prescribe. Eventually, you may end up with nothing to help cover up the problem, as I did. So, why not look for ways to reduce the stress in your life?

Listen, we all need to learn to slow down. Take a step back and realize, this is the only life we get. The only shot on this big blue rock we call home. 🌎 We need to learn ways to help ourselves control our emotions and not let our emotions control us, because our thoughts and emotions keep us stressed when not in check. They have the capability to destroy our health and over all well-being.

The mind is so powerful it can kill us with physical illness.

Healthy Sacrifices

Everything has a cost throughout life in order for you to move forward. Sometimes that cost has to be relationships. Yes, that’s right. You know who I’m talking about. You probably have been thinking about letting go of some relationships that have been putting a mental strain on you, but not sure if it’s worth the sacrifice. Well, I’m here to tell you, You are worth every sacrifice you make in order to better yourself. No one in this life can ever do anything to change who you are nor can they change any circumstances you are facing. You are the one that is solely responsible for yourself, so you need to understand that who you surround yourself with is who you are or who you will become. If you want to move forward you must evaluate who these people are and what position they hold in your life.

Limiting your time with certain people, such as angry bitter negative ones will benefit you greatly. These people like to find fault in everyone and every situation. They never try to change their situation. They would rather keep bringing up the old circumstances and continuously reliving them. Much like taking the victim mentality role which is normally fueled by fear, resentment and desolation. It’s always someone else’s fault for every bad situation they come up against, and the world is out to destroy them in some way or another. Be cautious of these people because a lot of them are vindictive and will fabricate ways to get back at others that they perceive as doing them wrong. This may leave you questioning yourself in what you may have done, even though you know you hadn’t done anything to them. 

They are always picking apart people around them. So what makes you think they don’t do this behind your back when your not around? Do you believe you’re that special?

Some of you even believe you have to continue to deal with these types of people because they are your family. They may talk shit about you to the other family members, ya know the ones that talk to you about them behind their backs. I’m sure It happens more than you realize.

There are also takers in your life. These are people who put themselves front and center and only focus on their needs. They feel entitled to your time and will try to gain as much as they can while returning little as possible. They get angry when you don’t answer their calls or text and they may feel as if you have disrespected or mistreated them because you weren’t there to listen to their complaints about their repugnant life. They call for your advice and wisdom but never willing to give that time back and if they do, everyone will know about it. These people like to brag about how wonderful they are for giving advice.

Takers are the ones who take up all your time and energy, and when it comes to needing them they’re nowhere to be found. No answer to your call. All they want is advice but never follow through. So why waste your time on given your advice in the first place?

Do you notice a pattern here? 🤔

You may also have manipulative dishonest liars around you. These people may tell you half stories. They’re always making themselves out to be the good guy in every situation. These people don’t like to take responsibility for any wrongdoing and may try to pass off blame or even guilt trip you for something you weren’t even involved in. You may also find them turning things around on you and blaming you for not caring about them or their feelings. Most of the time you can tell when people are being real and when they are spouting off bullshit, but it’s not always easy to spot this kind of person, due to them being masters of charm and kindness outwardly. This actually comes very easy to a manipulator because they have no problem with hurting others to get what they want. They have a way of figuring you out and may give you things you desire so you become dependent on them. They never feel bad about lying because their conscience tells them they aren’t doing anything wrong and to keep it up so they can continue getting their way in every situation.

These types of people are dangerous for your overall health and well-being. These people will leave you feeling drained and exhausted. You may also end up thinking you are the real bad guy due to them being extremely good at all of these malicious mind games. Manipulators want you to have very little confidence, as this will make it much easier to control you in the long run. They have a way of making you feel inferior to them as well.

You have to be careful and pay attention to all of this because before you know it you can become a very negative person and you may lose interest in the things you once loved. You will start doubting yourself in every decision and action you make. This can also make you start alienating yourself from healthy relationships.

Have you ever heard the saying, same ol shit different day? Well that sums up the rest of your life if you continue to let these people control your full potential. 

So get it together and figure out who you need in your life and who you need to let go, because where you are mentally is what matters. Taking care of yourself means making sacrifices and it’s okay if some of those are relationships. You only get one life, so don’t waste it on people who make you give up on yourself.

Be Driven By Passion To Find Your Purpose.

Strong minded people aren’t born. We are a revised version of the storms we have walked through in life

There are so many obstacles in our daily lives and even more so internally. That’s why we must search for our purpose in life. Purpose can get you through times when things get so difficult you don’t know if you will ever see the light of day again.

When you find your purpose, life gets a little easier. It’s easy to get taken down by a bad day that turns into a bad week, then year, but with self discipline to find your purpose it can be turned around. By discipline I mean staying consistent and putting in the work day after day for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t find your purpose right away. Pretty sure that’s never happened with anyone.

Have you heard the saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day? Well, neither is a strong minded person that is driven by passion to find their purpose.

So, if you want something to pull you through life, you must find that purpose. This will build your self confidence. Who doesn’t need more of that nowadays? Confidence helps to push you farther in achieving your goals. If there is no confidence then there is no drive to push for better. This may mean you have to learn more about yourself and the one thing that fills you with passion, and in that lies your purpose. Mine is helping people like you, by turning chaotic minds into calm minds and helping you understand how the mind actually works.  

There will never be a perfect time to start something that develops your passion. Some people wish they could do better and those are the ones that are just getting through in life. While others EXPECT to do better. They wake up knowing they gave it their all the day before, but are willing to work harder for a better today. Where are you on that?  

You have to make caring for yourself your top priority. This will enable you to find your purpose a lot easier in life. Unfortunately, we aren’t taught to look out for ourselves, to have compassion or understanding for ourselves, and most importantly we are not told our minds are the most important part of us, and we must protect it from the outside world. Instead many walk around with blinders on trying to feel their way through life, and it doesn’t always work. They never seem to make it past the first step without falling flat, not wanting to get up and keep trying. They only see failure and giving up as the answer, because it’s way easier than putting in the work.

With all of the drama and negativity on social media nowadays, I don’t see how some people function in the real world anymore, but they do somehow and miserably.

Compassion is something you must work on. Learning to have compassion for yourself despite your defects you may have. I have many and I allowed them keep me down on that bottom step of change. You’re human and have probably made mistakes and will continue to make them but that’s okay, as long as you learn from them. No one is nor will they ever be perfect. That’s just life. So stop hating on yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for all of your weaknesses. We all have enough bullshit going on and there is no reason to add more on top of ourselves.

We are built from the heart aches, pain, and disappointments we have faced in our lives. This life is all about being strong minded and how to make the best decisions for ourselves. 

We have to take responsibility for our own happiness and well-being. Your health is way more important than anything else in this world, even your family, because if your not well everyone suffers. No matter if it’s mental or physical health you have to take care of you. There is no shame in the mental health game of life. It’s way more difficult to find your passion for your purpose if you don’t start looking out for yourself. 

Strong minded people aren’t born. We are a revised version of the storms we have walked through in life


Taming The Chaos Within

There has been so much trauma throughout my life starting from a very young age. I’ve dealt with emotional and physical abuse at the hands of people that were supposed to support and love me, not turn my mind into a battle field within itself, causing me to struggle to fix it later in life.

I have stared death in the face with a barrel to my head, while trying to hold myself together long enough to tell my two-year-old son, “Mamma will see you again, I love you.”  

Listen, I know life is hard as hell, (I get it)😔 but that doesn’t mean you have to lay down and give up on yourself. You are in control of how things effect you and for how long.  

Our minds have the capability to destroy itself, and in turn, can destroy our physical outer selves. Many don’t realize that the illnesses they may have such as, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, asthma and many more, may be connected to their experiences throughout life. 

If you sit and think of the past over and over, your mind can literally bring up a snap-shot moment from a traumatic event. Making you feel as if you are back in that moment.

 How many times have you sat and thought about a past argument you’ve had over and over? How’d that make you feel rethinking it? Still a little pissed off huh?! Well this is what our minds do, they live in the past and we have to fix that now.

So, this leads me to the question, why would you not want to learn how to stop or at least slowdown that negative talking foul-mouthed thing called your MIND?

Yes, it’s easier said than done, but with practicing Self-Compassion, being mindful of everything you’re thinking and learning how to set healthy boundaries, it can be done. Mindfulness has taught me to stop emotionally abusing myself and stop most of the thoughts that are not helping me in my life.  

Have you ever said something like, “oh fatty”😔 while looking in the mirror?  well I have said things to myself I’d never say to another human. These negative thoughts do nothing, but steal our peace and happiness. They keep us from evolving into the person we are meant to be

If it wasn’t for crossing paths with a Zen-like woman named Ms. Franchini. I would still be the emotional wreck I had been all my life. I saw something in her that I wanted, and that was the peace she has in her mind, body and soul. She’s in her seventies and radiates vitality. Some people truly resonate with peace and when they do, it’s infectious. She told me some of the changes she made in her life and I knew there was so much more I could teach myself from her advice.

So, I took it upon myself to find out what life changes I had to make in order to feel normalcy and balanced in my mind. Some of the changes meant separating myself from certain people, many I’ve known all of my life, but they brought nothing but drama and negativity to the table, leaving me feeling more drained and depressed than I already was. Getting rid of negativity in your life is one of the most import thing you can ever do for yourself. I heard something the other day that really stuck with me.  

       “We are in an age of information so ignorance is a choice” 

 To me that means, we are smart enough to use the internet for everything else in life, but not for our own well-being. How crazy is that? 

Instead we rely on doctors to give us medications for anxiety and depression ex. or tell us to eat less, drink water, get plenty rest and stay away from stress. 🙄 you already know this, and that it’s almost impossible to do. 

Well guys truth is, you don’t need a doctor to tell you all these things. You see this on the screen your looking at every day.  So, why in the hell are you not looking out for yourself? Why are you not applying a few changes to your life and sticking with them?   

 It truly can be that easy, but we as humans can never quite manage staying consistent in our lives and unfortunately, that’s what it takes. It will take you paying attention to yourself all day everyday. Noticing your thoughts and actions also learning how to shift from one thought to another. It’s time we take responsibility for helping ourselves feel better mentally.  

You can find your own positive encouragement all over the internet like, public speakers, life coaches, people who are well known for positive thinking. Sometimes there is encouragement in the unlikely of places, you just have to pay attention. 

Don’t keep giving in to your negative and limited thoughts. A mind can be trained, but only if you’re willing to work at it. For me guided mediation and photography has been wonderful tools in helping calm the chaos within.

We only get one shot at this crazy damn thing we call life, so why not work on that anger and misery you may feel inside yourself, instead of wishing the world would be free of these feelings. Work on you, because in the end, you can only fix you, no one else can.  ~ Much Tough Love And Encouragement