To Live Another Day
The night I left I called him many times, in which he didn’t answer. Finally on the last time calling a female answered. I could hear people talking in the background. Right then I realized I was only kidding myself, thinking anything would change. I knew he was still using drugs, that’s actually how we met. After having my son I knew I was done, so I stopped messing with them because my child was more important to me and I wasn’t ever going to lose him over something like this. I don’t remember if I spoke to this girl I didn’t really care. I just knew enough was enough. So I packed up some of mine and my son’s belongings and we left. As I was getting my things together I realized this was it I was going to be leaving for good. There was no use in pretending I actually loved this person anyways. This whole marriage was nothing more than a joke. He was nothing but the pitiful save the puppy story in the first place. Ya know when people believe they can help save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves kinda thing. Well I was wrong. Almost dead wrong.
The more I thought about all the bullshit I had been put through the angrier I became. I proceeded into the bedroom taking our marriage license off the wall and smashed it into the bed making sure glass got everywhere. I continued to go through the apartment cutting every cord in the place. I didn’t care if any of them were plugged in or not. I was enraged that someone would pick partying over their child. I get to the tv and cut it. Sparks flying, lights flashing and then total darkness. It blew the breaker. It felt good to destroy things he enjoyed for once, not that he would even care, but to me it felt like a bit of sweet revenge.
After shoving all the things I could fit into my bonneville I just sat there fuming with anger. Then I look over at his ugly piece of shit car, jumping out I go over to the passenger side and let the air out of the tire. HUH made me feel even better. Didn’t solve anything, but I did it anyways. I wish I had smashed all the windows out but I didn’t want to go to jail for destruction of property over something stupid like that. I left that place never looking back.
My son and I went to live with my parents for a while until we got our own place. We live as normal as we could. I tried to keep Justin safe from Terry as long as I could, because I didn’t want my son to get caught up in a mess of trouble that was crashing down around my ex. I wasn’t about to let my beautiful son get taken away or worse killed by another person Terry managed to piss off or by someone he owed money to. He cheated people by cutting their drugs to benefit himself. I watched that happen many times, but things took an extremely bad turn for the worst.
One night on my way to my sister’s house to pick up my son after work I realized Terry was following me. I pulled over and I got out to ask him what he wanted. I told him I was done with all the lies and didn’t want him around my son until he was done with all the childish bullshit. He starts yelling “Where is my son”? and that I can not keep him away. I don’t remember how many threats were made or what else was said. All I knew was that he wasn’t going to see Justin, not until he got clean. My family was hiding Justin while I was at work. Of course they did fear for their safety but protecting Justin was their only concern and would do anything to protect him. A few weeks went by and Terry was realizing I wasn’t giving into his brain washing and wasn’t going to give in any time soon.
On a late night in October while I was working the night shift at Grayson Manor nursing home. I see Terry fly into the parking lot coming to a screeching halt. He jumped out of his car comes beating on the back door of the kitchen. Debbie one of the head cooks hurries to the door to ask him what he wants and that he needs to go away or the police are going to be called. He shoved her into the door behind her while cursing saying he’ll kill her if she gets in his way. He comes charging at me yelling about how he will get to see his son one way or another.
Everyone can hear him threatening me. He tells me he will make me pay for what I have been doing. I was a little scared because I didn’t know what he would do, but I stood up to him anyway, saying you won’t see him unless you stop all your childish bullshit. I wasn’t going to back down, and definitely wasn’t going to give up that easily. After he was done with his rant he turned and walked back out the door he had came in.
The police later show up and I made a statement telling what had happened. I was getting a EPO/DVO to keep away. (yeah right those pieces of paper won’t keep a crazy person away from you.) Three days after talking with the police about getting the EPO/DVO my nightmare began. The police had informed me that I couldn’t keep Justin away from his biological parent any longer even if he was on drugs. I had no choice anymore. I had to give in so I didn’t end up in jail for not allowing visitation. I wanted this to be a safe child exchange so I decided it would take place at the Leitchfield Police Station in my town, but it was anything but safe.
On Wednesday October 27th Terry and I are to meet at the police station so he could get Justin for a few hours while I was at work. Boy was I wrong by listening to the police officer that told me I had to do this. Things didn’t go as planned and everything went terribly wrong.
I pull into the front of the station and wait. Terry pulls in soon after. He then gets out of his car with a blue lunchbox in his hand and gets in the passenger side of my car. He reaches into his lunchbox and pulls out what seemed like the biggest gun I had ever seen and he put it to my head and said “Drive or I will kill you right here” While Justin is screaming from the backseat saying “Don’t shoot my mommy”. He didn’t come to the station to pick up Justin, instead he came to kill me.
There was no way I was going to let my two year old son watch his mother be killed in cold blood. So, I put the car in reverse backing out onto the highway and drove away. I was ordered to drive over to where his ex-wife lived on Oller street, and I did just that. When we got to her place she came outside and saw what was going on, Terry still had the gun on me as she was yelling “Stop it don’t do this” He pointed the gun at her and told her to get Justin out of the car. She opened the door as Justin cries uncontrollably and gets him out. She backed away with him in her arms and tears in her eyes. I say, I love you baby as I was thinking this would be the last time I would ever see my son. That was the most frightening of all. I didn’t want my son to grow up without his mother. There was so much to look forward to watching him grow up and it was all going to be taken from me. I drove to the end of the street where Rick Clemons was sitting across from us in his police cruiser. Terry shoved the gun into my side saying don’t act stupid turn right. So I made the turn and drove down about a block where he told me to turn again onto Cave Mill road.
It was on this road where I had to think of a way to escape from this crazy man. I thought about jumping out of the car all along this road but there wasn’t anywhere safe to hide. I could run to someone’s house but that would put others in danger. Someone else could possibly die today as well. I didn’t want to put anyone else in that situation. So, I kept thinking of a way out. I knew if I jumped out into the open it would just be a clear shot and would certainly die. My brain started going into overdrive. Of course I was scared but to my surprise and his I was not as scared as I should have been. I should have been crying uncontrollably but I knew that if I wanted to see my son again I had to hold it together.
I decided to make a diversion for what I was about to pull off right in front of him. I started to make it look as if I was crying while putting my head and hands on the steering wheel as I told him it didn’t have to be this way, that we can work things out. What he didn’t know was that I was sliding my hand up onto the door lock and unlocking the automatic door lock on my side. I knew if I was going to make a run for it my side had to be unlocked. Me being the crazy person I am, I grab a hold of the gun but of course he is so full of anger and adrenaline it made him more powerful than me. I realized by the evil look in his eyes I wouldn’t get it from him and he would shoot me right then if I refused to let go. It did nothing but make him even more angry and he says “We are going where all this started and that’s where it’s all gonna end” I knew I didn’t have much longer to live because where we met, where all of this started it wasn’t much farther down the road. I had to think fast. I had it!! I knew where I was going to try and get away from him.
It’s was at the intersection beside petticoat junction, a little store in the middle of nowhere with three way intersection. The direction we were coming from put us at a stop sign with traffic coming from both directions. I slowed down but didn’t want to stop. I opened the door and jumped out hitting the ground hard. The pain from hitting my head on the blacktop was so blindingly painful. I thought for sure the car had rolled over my feet too because it was so difficult to get up but with pure willpower I made myself get up and run. Without looking back to see the car drive through the enter section in hopes someone would hit the car and stop him from coming after me.
I ran into the store and yelled for help asking the people behind the counter to lock the door and call the police because there was a man with a gun that was going to kill me. Instead of listening and doing as I asked for their safety as well, The girls walk over to the window looking out saying they didn’t see him. I’m starting to yell at this point “here he comes”!! With gun in hand he walks into the store grabs me by my shirt and hair, puts the gun to my face then drags me back out to the car and shoved me into the driver side over to the passenger seat. He jumps in the driver seat driving away in the original direction we were headed. He was enraged driving at crazy high speed past everyone into oncoming traffic. I wanted nothing more than to grab the wheel and crash the car just to get it over with. I thought I’d have a better chance of surviving a crash than a gunshot to the head.
I was surprised he turned off only two miles before our destination. He pulled up to an old friend’s house named Dolen. As we both got out of the car he continued yelling at me because I had jumped out as he shot the gun into the air. That’s when Dolen came to see what the commotion was all about. He proceeded to say “Terry what are you doing son?” Dolen had to have been one of the bravest people I’ve ever met or just downright one of the craziest, He told us to come around back and sit down so we could talk about this. So walk around to the back of his house and sit down for a while.
I ask to use the bathroom and he allows me to go in alone. In the house I try to think of what to do next but at this point I’m beyond scared and not sure if I will be able to get away again. It crossed my mind to climb out the bathroom window but not sure if he will be expecting that standing outside the window ready to pull the trigger.
I use the bathroom and go back outside waiting for my execution. My head is pounding I start seeing double at this point, the swelling was getting worse on the back of my head from it hitting the road so hard. I walked over and sat down where I was told while Dolen tries to talk some sense into Terry. Then his wife walks outside. Dolen quickly tells her to go back inside now! She complied with fear on her face. She had no idea the danger everyone was in. I honestly don’t remember what all they were talking about but I do know Dolen told him this wasn’t going to fix anything by taking both of a young child’s parents away, that if he needed to get rid of one parent it didn’t need to be the child’s mother. He knew why I tried to keep my son away from him. Terry had struggled in previous years and was ruining a lot of lives, not just mine and his own but he had destroyed his other children’s lives as well over the years with all the lies and betrayal with their mother.
Terry asked Dolen to go get the phone from inside the house so I could call and tell my son that I loved him one last time. At this point I knew I didn’t have much time left on this earth. As soon as the call ended so would my life. The number was dialed and a voice on the other end said Terry what are you doing, don’t do this. I told the female to put Justin on the phone that I had something very important to tell him.
Justin in his sweet little voice says, Hey mommy where are you? When are you coming back to get me? I said the most heart wrenching words anyone could ever to say their young child.
Justin sweetheart mommy isn’t gonna be coming back. I have to leave but I love you so very much. I hope I’ll see you again one day somehow. I love you so so much son. Never forget momma loves you more than anything in the world. Goodbye sweetheart. As I hang up with tears streaming down my face I hand back the phone. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want my son to grow up without his mom. In my mind I could see my son crying because mommy never came back to be by his side to watch him grow into a man.
I get up and walk over to the corner of the deck and sat on the floor holding my head bauling, it felt like my head was going to explode from the pain. I sat there rocking back and forth waiting for Terry to come over to end it all. He walks over to me gun in hand points it at my face asking me why did I jump out of the car like that? I hurt myself and it was my fault. He actually tried to show compassion by placing his hand on mine on my head with his face pressed against them crying, asking why did I do this? WHY?? Then he started yelling waving the gun around my face again. I knew there was nothing that was going to stop his blind anger any longer.
Then to everyone’s surprise a police officer came from around the corner with his gun drawn. The officer yells drop the gun but Terry refuses instead he points the gun at me then quickly back to his own head. The officer yells many times for him to drop the gun. Then yells to me to run to him. I start to panic not knowing if I would be shot in the back as I run past Terry. I regain my composure while igniting my will to live and run past him as the officer is saying get behind me. I didn’t only get behind this man, I ran past him and I didn’t stop until I reached the neighbors home across the street. I beat on the door until someone answered. The person on the other side can see the horror on my face and lets me inside. It is here where I slump onto the floor blacking out not to regain consciousness until I wake up in the hospital later that night.
I get to live another day. I get to see my son as he grows into a man. I didn’t get my life taken from me due to the fast thinking of a special lady who called for my hero to come save my life so many years ago.
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Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault. People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people.
