It’s definitely not easy being a step-parent. Too many parents want to play the victim and feel as if they are being or are going to be replaced. That’s not always the case but for most blended families it is. 

I was grateful for my son’s stepmother before she passed. I knew she loved him, and there was plenty of room for her love too. She didn’t always agree with me nor did I with her but that was ok. She never tried to put my son against me and I never did that to her, but believe me, so many parents do. I understand every situation is different, but that doesn’t mean you put your child in a difficult situation such as who they should care about.

Some parents try to sabotage a child’s relationship with the step-parent by demanding the child not like or obey the step-parent, but in turn that can and will backfire almost every time, not to mention cause a child to have anxiety. Thus making it difficult for the child to feel like they are a part of the family because they now have to withhold their true feelings for the step-parent to satisfy your feelings. 

By telling a child they don’t need to obey the step-parent is also setting the child up for unnecessary attention that can lead to punishment. This can leave the child feeling frustrated and can impact their decision making in future relationships because of low self-esteem developed over time due to them not having a sense of belonging. 

It’s difficult to feel like you belong somewhere when one parent teaches disobedience and the other is upset due to the disobedience taught by the other parent. This will do nothing but confuse a child and cause problems with authority figures in their life such as teachers and police officers.

So in order to have happy stable minded children, parents should all work through differences put egos aside, and keep the children out of the hurt feelings conversations. Children need to have their own feelings independent of their parents and should be given emotional approval of liking the step-parent. Children read our emotions better than we realize, and they need to feel as if you are emotionally okay with the relationship with the step-parent.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself.

Why put doubt in their minds about people who are there to love and support them? 

Why would you want them to be insecure and question everyone’s love for them? 

Why make them doubt the most important thing in life, such as love?